apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
