Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
