another moral hangover. fuck.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
