I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
