that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He better not be in your backpack
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
