As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Randomize
