listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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