I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
