Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
