she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
