I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
