hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
