We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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