i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
