hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
