Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
