someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
