I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
