Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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