are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
