apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
