I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had sex on a roof
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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