I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
