i think my mom watched the whole time
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
