Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
