i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
