I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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