The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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