I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
