what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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