I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
