You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
