I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
