seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
