i would punch a child for taco bell
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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