I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
