You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
