I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
