I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
