Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
