The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
