There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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