the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
