the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
