i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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