woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
