I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I want to fling myself into the sun
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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