WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
