giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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