Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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