I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
